I've had plenty of friends before for whom I thought our bonds would never weaken, but that wasn't the case. Even with certain family members that I thought bonds would always be super-strong, they also weakened continually. But I've noticed something; those bonds started out strong and ended weak. But not you azlo. It's the opposite for us.
We started out as just acquaintances that met over a MMORPG xD just chat buddies. Then I guess we just started talking more and everything began exploding (BOOMLOL). I don't know exactly how we got to where we are today, but then again I don't really care how it happened. I'm just glad that it did :)
My mom was telling me to comb my hair or fashion it in a certain way, and it looked really gay and nerdy the way she wanted it and I said no. She told me I needed to cut my hair otherwise. I told her no I like having bangs...she suddenly got mad saying "...WHAT? BANGS?! D:<" I hate my mother. It was one of the many instances of rejection she's shown towards me. I know that she will never accept me for who I am and I hate her for it. I'm her damn son for christ's sake. And I hate it more because I always have to be someone else around her and I hate growing up that way because it makes you scared to express yourself and be yourself and its not right :(. So it makes it all the more comforting for me to know that I have someone in my life that accept my entire being without condition :').
...I know at this point this shouldn't amaze me anymore...but I still just find it so odd that someone who lives on the other side of the country, although physically far, is so close to me emotionally and spiritually. It amazes me how I'm able to feel so loved by you, more than any of my other friends or family. You and I have so much in common and I'm truly grateful that you became a part of my life, and a big part at that. You take me away from life's grim realities and put me in this realm of optimism and happiness that I never thought I could possibly exist in.
What compelled me to write this was our goodbyes tonight. Ohgod, our goodbyes♥. They fill me with butterflies<3 But anyways, yeah I was looking over all the crap I had to get done before break ended and I realized it was already Thursday and I was like shitshitshit <:( It also made me think about the characteristics about myself that put me in this position in the first place (you know what I'm talking about lol)
But then you told me your head was throbbing and that you needed sleep. I totally just forgot about my homework and anything else wrong in my life, and 100% of my thought and concern went to you for that moment. It actually hurt me a little on the inside to know that your head is hurting so much, and I felt so bad, and I wanted you to get some rest. Then we said our goodbyes like we usually do, with all the hearts and affectionate petnames. You called me babe (: lmao I know its not that big of a deal but no one else ever calls me that. Except for sarah but that's different xD she's just weird
Anyways, after we said goodnight...I was just staring at my take home calculus exam...not caring one bit about whether or not I got the last problem right (the only one i didn't know). I was sortof stressing over it the whole time until we said goodnight. Then I just didn't care. Who cares if I get one measly problem wrong? I have ashley frohlking. Who cares about one problem when you have someone in your life that unconditionally loves you♥ And I stared at my calc test, only thinking of you and the warm feelings I get when I talk to you.
It was as though the only thing in my life that mattered was you, and nothing else. I seriously just did not care about life as long as I had you in it. (You know I'm not lying...recall our conversations when I was all suicidal and depressed. You gave me reason to live. You are that reason.)
Lol I know this is mushy and shit but I always get super emotional at night. Idk I just had all these feelings bunched up and I had to let them out somehow so I chose to write about it. I hope you enjoy reading this :|
Yeah...hey I just thought of something. I don't think we would have ever gotten this close if we didn't live so far away. If we went to the same school I don't think I'd ever be able to talk to you about the stuff we normally talk about because I know that I'd have to see you the next day and I'd worry about you judging me or treating me differently or something. I wouldn't have been able to open up to you if I saw you regularly. Its because we live so far away that we're so close. You said it yourself that you talk to me about things that you normally don't talk to about with anyone else. Same here. And its because we never see each other so we don't really lose anything if we don't like each other. But thankfully we're both nonjudgmental accepting people, who are also actually very similar in personality, thought, emotion, likes and dislikes, and other more private things :3 But its this combination of traits and our nonjudgmental attitudes that have allowed to become so close and dear god ashley we're so lucky to have found each other because theres so many stupid people out there and I'm so happy you aren't one of them.
You're like, perfect for me.
Lol. I guess that's all I have to say. I'm feeling more emotionally stable n0w (:
I'll always love you ashley♥
